I couldn’t take it anymore.
I couldn’t take the pain.
I couldn’t bare the shame.
I wanted no one to know my name.
Was I really the one to blame?
I contemplated Heaven.
I needed a place to go.
I longed for something new; but a voice said no, stay here.
You have too much work to do…
It’s been almost three years since the night I tried to die. Suicide. I still have a hard time saying that word out loud. I still have a hard time admitting my mind was in such a dark place.
I was in the midst of so much loss. I’d lost my savings. I was losing my apartment. I’d lost my job. I had just lost my car. I’d lost people I thought were my friends, and a special bond had been broken with someone I loved so deeply.
Nothing mattered. I didn’t want to matter. As far as I was concerned my life was over. I stopped eating; I lost count of the days. I was surviving on the last meal my cousin bought me at Olive Garden, and my last drink was going to be from a bottle of peach pinnacle.
What would they say about me when I’m gone? Who would find me in a bathtub full of blood? Would they find me in time? Is it my time? Was it my time? Would the bottle be enough to numb the pain?
I just wanted to go to sleep listening to his songs on repeat. I wanted sweet dreams and no beautiful nightmares so I’d never have to wake up again.
The bottle was nearly empty when I saw the word LOVE appear in the dark. The O changed to an I before disappearing.
#Live4Love isn’t some hashtag I pulled from the urban dictionary.
Increasing social change by decreasing at risk behavior isn’t an ordinary itinerary.
It’s my mission. A mission I intend to fulfill until the day I eventually do pass away.
Kierstan’s Kids LLC isn’t for play. It isn’t for show. It’s the real deal. It’s the raw truth. It’s all Love and it’s all of me.
It is my responsibility to show you if there’s a will there’s a way.
Life takes its toll on all of us, but we are stronger than we believe, and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.
All Love to You and Yours,